well i have found out exactly what kind of relationship my brother wants with me. and that is a relationship where he doesn't see, hear, or talk to me. now i know I fuckeded up, but i said i was sorry and MEANT IT, like a thousand times but he will not respond. my dad had planned to go to new mexico to visit him and my dad wanted me to go with him so he told austin this and austin said "If you show up with Ryan, I won't open the door." Now my parents don't know exactly why he hates me, but what they said when talking with austin was that he seems to be acting very imature about it. i've tried hard to fix this and he doesn't want to be a part of it so now i have to turn myself off. i was caring, i was understanding and i was willing to fix a relationship with my brother but now i am none of those things. if this is what he wants then it is what i will deal with. i guess he doesn't want a brother and it means soon he will not have one. i can only try for so long. there is not much more i can do. it's on him now.

i guess i am going to be the drummer for chase long beach. i really do have fun playing trombone and i love the kats in the horn line but i guess i can sit in the back and play drums. i really do enjoy playing the music on drums. meagan actually took charge a little bit at practice and it was pretty awesome. she started working on trouble spots in the music. but it was pretty shitty cause ryan's gf was at practice (which she has been doing lately) and it was a huge distraction. so maybe she shouldn't come to practice anymore. yeah i think so. meagan told me she had fun at chase practice yesterday and it really doesn't happen often but i want it to. it needs to be fun. at this point i would like to stay in the band and i want her to stay with me. so as long as we all get along and have as much fun and energy as we did yesterday then she should enjoy it still.

I just booked a show at DiPiazza's for AFS. we needed a practice gig for our show at knitting factory. $7.00 and we play at 7:00pm we are actually gonna see a little cash for this show. time to download davids afs acoustic recordings. ttyl